Parenting in today’s world comes with a unique set of challenges. With social media constantly at our fingertips, life rarely feels like it’s just ours anymore. There’s always something to compare: the friend whose child seems to be excelling at everything, the family who’s always doing more, achieving more, having more “picture-perfect” moments. It’s exhausting, and it’s not just affecting us as parents. Our children feel it too.
If you or your child are caught in this comparison trap, please go gently on yourselves. This isn’t a flaw in your character: it’s a natural response. Humans are social creatures, wired to seek belonging. When we feel like outsiders, our nervous systems go into overdrive. What we call comparison is often a survival instinct in disguise. Being “different” can feel like being in danger.
But there’s good news: you’re not powerless.
One of the most powerful steps we can take is to remember that our children, no matter how young or old, are a lot more like us than we sometimes realise. Despite their different tastes, personalities, or energy levels, deep down they want the same things we do:
- To be seen.
- To be heard.
- To be held.
- To be accepted - fully and unconditionally.
Before rushing in to try and “fix” things for your child, try taking a moment to reflect on your own emotional landscape. Ask yourself:
- How am I feeling right now?
- Where do I feel that in my body?
- What am I longing for?
- Who do I want to feel seen or accepted by?
- What support do I need today?
When we connect with ourselves, it becomes easier – and more authentic – to connect with our children. We’re modelling emotional awareness, and that’s something our children learn best by witnessing, not just hearing about.
Once you’ve grounded yourself, invite your child into a gentle, open-hearted conversation. You might ask:
- How are you feeling today?
- Where do you feel that feeling? (Let them be creative – maybe it feels like a colour, an animal, a song, or even a character they admire.)
- What do you dream of these days?
- How do you want to feel more often?
- What’s one small thing we can do – today, tomorrow, or this week – to help make that happen?
- What’s something you need to hear from me right now? (e.g. “I’m proud of you,” “I love you no matter what,” or “You can do hard things”)
When we include our children in these kinds of conversations, we empower them. We teach them that their voices matter, their feelings are valid, and that they’re not alone. Parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about connection.
So keep showing up - messy, real, and human. Be curious about your child’s world. Honour their emotions and listen closely, not just to their words but to their silences too. And as you support them, remember to support yourself with the same compassion.
After all, the greatest way to lead is by example. Be the kind of adult you hope they will want to grow up to be - not perfect, but present, consistent, kind and loving- And above all tell them how deeply you love them.
Josephine McGrail is an empowering wellness coach and the author of The Morning Miracle, Messages of Love, and Fall in Love with You all available from Amazon. Books bought via the link earn a small commission for the website.