publication date: Apr 19, 2007
For some parents, only too aware of the
competition for school places and perhaps future job and further education possibilities, it’s never too soon for their child to
gain an edge over the others. Parents, understandably want
the best for their children but for some this means keeping their kid
ahead of the pack at almost any cost.
Pushy parents press their children into taking
extra classes or tuition in music, a sport, maths or whatever and at an increasingly
early age. Toddlers start
ballet when they can barely walk, a foreign language when they can hardly talk. So where do you draw the line? When does a
naturally proud and
encouraging parent become a
pushy one?
One question you can ask yourself is: “Who am I doing this for?” If you are trying to realise your
own dream or ambition through a child, you are heading for trouble. Children
do best when their own interest is caught, when learning for its own sake is
reward enough. They should never think that you
love them more for their
achievements.
To help children
achieve their potential without pushing, parents should:
- Make sure there are plenty of books and resources available in the home.
- Ensure there is somewhere quiet to do homework.
- Be encouraging and helpful.
- Praise but don’t make them feel they have to do well for you to love them.
- Set a good example by showing your own interest in the world around.
- Help them to develop their critical faculties by discussing TV programmes you’ve watched together and talking about how a particular issue was tackled.
- Make the most of local amenities and offer a variety of activities - perhaps teaming up with other parents to offer different skills.
Many parents assume their
own passion for something will be
inherited by their child. It can come as a shock to a
book-loving mum that her child would rather be out
pond-dipping. If your child is not
naturally drawn to a subject it can be
counterproductive to try and force the issue. Nevertheless there are times when a mum might have to try a little
coercion - if your child is being
uncooperative in, say, learning his times tables you could start a star charts to show his progress and offer a
treat for when he’s learned all of them.
Expectation versus reality
However you do have to be
realistic in your expectations. Parents often worry if their child doesn’t
perform well compared to other children or siblings. However
comparisons aren’t always very
helpful as he might actually be performing to the
best of his ability at that time. Here it's a good idea - and
reassuring - to have a chat with his
teacher who should have a more
balanced perspective of
child development and how your child is doing.
It can be
tempting, if your child is good at something, to
push too hard. Some kids
drop out because they become so
tired of the activity so it’s a
mistake to pin all your hopes and aspirations on one thing.
If you’re
worried that you may be pushing too hard be
guided by your child’s own
enthusiasm. When his aim is to
please himself rather than
win your praise, there’s nothing to worry about!
